CHILD'S PLAY

As the youngest of three girls, I'm an easy target[1] when we all get together. On one occasion my older sisters cornered my boyfriend[2] and started describing what I was like as a child[3]. According to them, my favourite pastime wasn't hop-scotch[4] or playing with dolls[5], but sitting on the toilet flicking through the latest edition of the Argos catalogue[6]. I'm sure this isn't true, but my boyfriend has teased me mercilessly about it ever since[7].

Liz, 29, Nottingham

ANIMAL HOSPITAL

My sister was having a hard time at work[8], so I offered to take my nephew, Tommy, off her hands for the night[9]. My slightly eccentric flatmate[10] has a pet budgie[11], which Tommy was fascinated by. I left him talking to it in the lounge and went to make a cup of tea, only to return to find an empty cage[12]… and Tommy holding a headless[13] budgie. He had let the budgie out to play[14] and, seeing it fly towards the door, had slammed the door shut[15] – accidentally decapitating the poor bird in the process[16]. I still shudder when I think about[17] having to explain what happened to my horrified flatmate.

Julie, 30, Essex

FLIRTY FATHER

My divorced father[18], who rates himself as a bit of a Casanova[19], was in London on business. Thinking it would be good to spend some quality time with Dad, I offered him my spare room[20]. On the second night of his stay[21] I was watching a video with a friend when he strode into the living room[22], winked at her[23] and said, "Laura can be so dull[24], why don't we go out for a bit of fun?[25]" He insists he was only joking[26], but I've decided he'll be staying at a hotel the next time.

Laura, 25, London

OFF THE RAILS

After a wonderful meal out, my family and I headed home on the train[27]. It was a Thursday night and the trains were quite busy but we spotted that there was one free seat[28] and so all told my gran to go and sit down. As she tottered towards it[29], the train started to pull out from the station[30]. Losing her balance[31], Gran flung her arm out to stop herself from falling[32], and grabbed the crotch of a middle-aged businessman[33]. He had been dozing peacefully[34] and despite my gran's slightly hysterical apologies[35], he was obviously horrified to wake up and find he was being 'molested'!

Becca, 34, London

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

I had just started seeing Iain[36], and decided to invite him along to a party[37] with my brother and me. Late in the evening my brother, a beer-swilling rugby lad[38], decided it would be fun[39] to start an arm-wrestling competition[40]. Iain's the shy, sensitive type[41] – more Johnny Depp than Jonny Wilkinson[42] – and tried to opt out[43]. But my brother would have none of it[44] and, predictably[45], bent Iain's arm over like it was putty[46]. My brother was clearly dumbfounded[47] that any man could be so weak and insisted Iain try again, and again, and again, all the time making comments like[48], "Just hold your wrist a bit steadier[49]." Despite my brother's 'coaching' pointers[50], Iain lost in seconds every time[51]. I tried to reassure Iain that he was man enough for me[52], but he left the party soon after my brother released him from his clutches[53].

Jie, 32, London

Opracowanie: Agata Papiorek

Źródło: British Glamour Magazine www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/chat/Group_Therapy/archive.asp

[1] I'm an easy target – jestem łatwym celem.

[2] cornered my boyfriend – przyparła do muru mojego chłopaka.

[3] started describing what I was like as a child – zaczęła opisywać jaka byłam jako dziecko.

[4] my favourite pastime wasn't hop-scotch – moją ulubioną rozrywką nie była gra w klasy.

[5] playing with dolls – zabawa lalkami.

[6] flicking through the latest edition of the Argos catalogue – przeglądając najnowsze wydanie katalogu Argos (Argos – brytyjska firmy wysłykowa oferująca najróżniejsze produkty – od urządzeń elektrycznych po damską odzież - www.argos.co.uk).

[7] my boyfriend has teased me mercilessly about it ever since – od tego czasu mój chłopak bezlitośnie mi dokucza z tego powodu.

[8] my sister was having a hard time at work – moja siostra przechodziła trudny okres w pracy.

[9] so I offered to take my nephew, Tommy, off her hands for the night – więc zaoferowałam, że przez jedną noc zaopiekuję się jej synem.

[10] my slightly eccentric flatmate – moja lekko ekscentryczna współlokatorka.

[11] budgie – [forma skrócona od budgerigar] papużka falista.

[12] only to return to find an empty cage – kiedy wróciłam zastałam pustą klatkę.

[13] a headless – pozbawiony głowy.

[14] he had let the budgie out to play – wypuścił papużkę, żeby się pobawiła.

[15] had slammed the door shut – zatrzasnął drzwi.

[16] accidentally decapitating the poor bird in the process – niechcący ścinając w ten sposób biednemu ptaszkowi łepek.

[17] I still shudder when I think about– wzdrygam się na myśl o.

[18] my divorced father – mój rozwiedziony ojciec.

[19] who rates himself as a bit of a Casanova – który uważa siebie za Casanovę.

[20] I offered him my spare room – zaproponowałam mu swój wolny pokój.

[21] on the second night of his stay – w czasie drugiej nocy jego pobytu.

[22] he strode into the living room – wlazł do pokoju dziennego.

[23] winked at her – mrugnął do niej.

[24] Laura can be so dull – Laura bywa taka nudna.

[25] why don't we go out for a bit of fun? – może wyjdziemy się zabawić?

[26] he insists he was only joking - twierdzi, że tylko żartował

[27] my family and I headed home on the train - razem z rodziną zmierzałam pociągiem do domu

[28] we spotted that there was only free seat - zauważyliśmy, że jest jedno wolne miejsce

[29] a she tottered towards it - kiedy ku niemu zmierzała

[30] the train started to pull out from the station - pociąg zaczął ruszać ze stacji

[31] losing her balance - utraciwszy równowagę

[32] gan flung her arm out to stop herself from falling - babcia zamachnęła się ramieniem by uniknąć upadku

[33] and grabbed the crotch of a middle-aged businessman - i złapała się krocza biznesmena w średnim wieku

[34] had been dozing peacefully - spokojnie sobie drzemał

[35] slightly hysterical apologies - nieco histeryczne przeprosiny

[36] I had just started seeing lain - właśnie zaczęłam spotykać się z Iainem

[37] to invite him along to a party - zaprosić go na przyjęcie

[38] a beer-swilling rugby lad - gość żłopiący piwo w ogromnych ilościach, grający w rugby

[39] decided it would be fun - pomyślał, że byłoby zabawnie

[40] to start an arm-wrestling competition - posiłować się na rękę

[41] lain's the shy, sensitive type - lan jest nieśmiały i wrażliwy

[42] Jonny Wilkinson - brytyjska gwiazda rugby

[43] tried to opt out - próbował się wymigać

[44] but my brother would have none of it - ale mój brat nic sobie z tego nie robił

[45] predictably - co można było przewidziec

[46] bent lain's arm over like it was putty - przegiął rękę laina jak gdyby była z masy plastycznej

[47] clearly dumbfounded - wyraźnie zdumiony

[48] all the time making comments like - cały czas rzucając uwagi w rodzaju

[49] just hold your wrist a bit steadier - usztywnij nadgarstek

[50] 'coaching' pointers - 'trenerskie' wskazówki

[51] lain lost in seconds every time - Ian przegrywal za każdym razem już po paru sekundach

[52] tried to reassure lain that he was man enough for me - próbowałam przekonać lana, że jest dla mnie wystarczająco męski

[53] he left the party soon after my brother released him from his clutches - wyszedł z przyjęcia od razu kiedy mój brat wypuścił go ze swojego żelaznego uścisku